With mates like this, who needed enemies? What a great laugh to set him up on a “blind date” and it turn out to be speed-dating.

Breaking out in a sweat, he looked around the room of potential prospects. All it felt like was a line-up of cleavage staring back at him. Creative and masterful plans of revenge began to pop into his head. They were going to wish laxatives and Photoshop were never invented.

“Hi, my name’s Candy! I like riding horses naked!” came the bubbly introduction in up his face.

Make that laxatives, Photoshop and grievous bodily harm.

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